Gusomilk

There are very few films that achieve legendary status. Citizen Kane is legendary for the ground-breaking way in which it smashed through accepted ideals of cinematic storytelling. Apocalypse Now is legendary for its cursed, problematic, 2 year long filming shoot. Murder Set Pieces is legendary for its reports that, during production, the director smelled really bad and continually ate his own boogers. And Gusomilk has become legendary as an endurance test for even the most jaded of shock-hounds.

Gusomilk opens quite suspensefully with an anonymous fellow leading 3 cuties (also anonymous) into a hotel room, where another hottie is fast asleep. They all undress her and fondle her body for a while, before one of the cuties decides to take a squat and let loose a mound of rectal fudge onto Sleeping Beauty’s chest. Naturally, the other 2 girls follow suit, each squeezing out their own turd onto this blissfully unaware young lady. Oh by the way, did I mention that this movie is Japanese?

What strikes the viewer immediately is just how different and distinctive each of the pooping styles are. From huge deluges of brown matter, through to sickly mucus-covered sludge-balls, through to thin, delicate strands, the variety of poops on display always keeps the viewer guessing just what exactly the next butt-belch is going to look like. I can’t help but wonder: Was this a planned decision on the director’s behalf? Do these girls have to audition for the roles at all? Are there ads in Japanese newspapers that say “Wanted: Actresses who are willing to be filmed whilst pooping and/or being pooped on. Own transport required.”? Does some casting director watch dozens of girls poop and then select the ones whose poop has the most on-screen charisma? Are different poops compared side-by-side to see if there’s any chemistry between them? This is thought-provoking cinema indeed.

But the attention to detail doesn’t stop there. There’s labia cover to ensure that visual fogging can be kept at a minimum. When the girls are ready to poop simultaneously, they’re carefully grouped together to provide the most visually appealing tableau of Asian ass. When the giant anal syringes full of milk are brought out, they’re kindly shown with measurements on them, so any trivia freak watching will know that each colonic dairy expulsion to be sprayed over our snoozing protagonist is exactly 200 mLs. You have to applaud when scat porn is produced with such craft and care, sensitivity and respect for the viewer’s intelligence.

Finally, our heroine wakes up and seems strangely unconcerned that she’s been coated in feces and ass-milk. If I woke up in a similar situation, I’d be a little annoyed. But then again, I’m not Japanese.

In the next scene, our sleepy lady is back, now fully awake and has a friend with her. This your basic lesbian romance story – Girl meets girl. Girl 1 shoves weird things up Girl 2’s ass. Girl 2 expels objects from ass. Girl 1 puts afore-mentioned expelled objects in mouth, chews them to a fine paste and spits them in Girl 2’s mouth. Girl 2 does gargantuan crap into Girl 1’s hands. Girls smear crap on each others bodies and in each others mouths. And they both live happily ever after. How many times have we heard that one before … This scene is not only the finest of the film, but also the most famous as it provided us with the Eel Girl clip that I’m sure you’re all familiar with. If not, then look it up. I ain’t givin no links, folks.

Scene 3 starts and our sassy girl is back, this time dressed up as a dominatrix and doing all dominatrixy things like crapping on some guy and extinguishing a cigarette on his chest. It’s here that the whole theme of the film starts to solidify. In using the same actress in a succession of varied scenarios, the experience becomes, not just a series of gross-outs, but one woman’s personal exploration of the intricacies of sexual power dynamics, a fantasy exercise where she gets to take on the roles of the submissive and the dominant in varying degrees. With poop.

This theme is cemented in the final scene where we see our girl in a sexual encounter where the power dynamic is 50/50. They meet. There’s a little foreplay. He goes down on her. She goes down on him. And then they couple in the traditional missionary position. It’d be a typical porno scene, were it not for the line-up of random people taking turns unloading steaming dumps on our star’s chest and squirting colonful’s of milk on her face. When the climax arrives, he naturally jerks out a ball-load of baby snot onto her chin, and she flashes the camera a winning smile and a saucy wink.

This final shot really summarises what is so pleasing about the movie, because the smile she gives us is genuine. Unlike other Jap-scat flicks, your Squirmfest’s and what not, where the focus is entirely on degrading the female, this one is full of folk who honestly enjoy what they’re doing. If someone can get to the end of a working day and truly be happy with what they’ve achieved, then that’s a reason for all of us to smile. We all get crapped on in life, but if you can do something that makes you happy, then at least you’ve held on to your dignity.

So, that’s Gusomilk. A journey through sexual power dynamics and a treatise on human dignity, both shown via the medium of anal excretions. Or it could just be people pooping on each other. I don’t know. Hey, you try thinking straight after watching 90 minutes of Japanese scat porn.